Dark shadows be damned, this morning as a block party began, I didn’t think I could muster the courage to go, so I asked myself, If he could, what do you think he would’ve said???

And I held his power tight, my mind ready to do that party right! And I rocked the night (a gummy helper to keep my anxiety bugs outta sight;) chatting with a political candidate and his beautiful Guatemalan wife, I mended beloved bridges I destroyed with old friends.

I used a little bit of latent moxie, and I’m triumphant! I made a positive memory!!! In the world of anxiety and PTSD, triggers are negativity grown like brain-weeds, strangling reality, so good memories mean more than gold, so precious life without them is madness.

With my other sleeping until his hangover (yes, I’m the always ‘dry’ one), tonight I’m happy cleaning alone, listening to my favorite album, dancing when no one sees, relishing my successful story, waiting to warm up my dreams in a lullaby, eyes dropping to us dancing cheek-to-cheek behind the light of my screen as I fall asleep.

Such a creature of habit, is it obvious that I’m an addict? I did all my fun young, now I smoke my medicine, drink my coffee, and deal each day with whatever shit is thrown my way. Don’t know if what I’m doing is healthy, but for the love of this life, floating feels so wonderful, it’s worth everything.